Pick-Em Up

I was in the basement of a parking lot, eyeing for the ticketing automachine. Once I saw it, I parked the car, got down and joined the 3-person queue. Another car (Beamer, nothing less…) zoomed by, and parked right behind my parked car. The owner of the Black Beamer stood behind me, rather close if I may say, and waited. Come on, what else was there to do? Just bear the slight inconvenience, and patiently wait your turn.

I guessed wrong. I felt a tap on my right shoulder, and I turned facing Black Beamer Owner. “Hi…”, he said. “Hi”.. I said, perplexed, not smiling. “Can I have the time, please?”, he said. I looked at my watch. “It’s 5 minutes past two”, I said. He smiled, extended his right hand and said, “Hi.. My name is Johan. I’m sorry, I’ve run out of cards at the moment, but I would like to get to know you. May I please have your card?”

For a split second, I went blank. Did that just happen? Was I being presented with a pick-up line way past my prime time, in a dark, stuffy, basement parking lot, while waiting in line to pay a ticket? Thoughts suddenly came rushing in my mind. When was the last time I heard a pick-up line? Not since the dating era, which seems so far back in time, that I couldn’t for the life of me remember. Even then, people would meet through friends, at after work social gatherings or business meetings, and you would just introduce each other, have a conversation, and if the need to continue the conversation arises, arrange for more business meetings, or more gatherings… in that order. Since you would by then have everybody’s business cards, then arranging meetings would just be a phone call or e-mail away.

So, when was the pick-up era then? School days, college days? I remember the wolf whistles while walking down the street on the way to Kedai Nyonya. Considering they could have come from contract workers, resting by the road side on their lunch break, I wouldn’t count that as a pick-up line. I remember a Hari Raya card with the words, “Pecah Kaca, Pecah Tong, Pecah Sudu… Sudah Baca, Harap Gantung, and I love You”. I could have been 11 years old, and since the sender of the card remained anonymous, I don’t think that would have passed for a pick-up line. You think? Another episode was a hand-written note, wrapped in clear plastic, left on the windshield of my car. It read, “Dear Lady Feroza, You and your car are parked in my heart for-evvuh…”. (Quick history tutorial, I was in 1999, driving a Daihatsu Feroza). Now, THAT, I would consider a pick-up line. At least it was original. Trouble is, sender was also anonymous.

What is it with these anonymous pick-uppers? How can we rate the success rates of pick-up lines if you don’t show your face? Unless they can read our facial expressions upon receiving the notes to indicate interest, proceed with caution, or a clear no-go sign, I would think it was a lost case attempt. Expecially when you have a solid stone for expressions… like me. Huh???

Anyway, point is, after raking my sleeping brains, I conclude that I’ve never been picked up. At least not the typical, corny “There must be something wrong with my eyes… I can’t take them off you” type. Either I’m not a pick-up candidate, or I scare them off so much so they have to remain anonymous.

So, the “Can I have the time” line from Black Beamer Owner is my grand, numero uno pick-up. Whoohoo! This calls for celebration! My reaction – Took my ticket, tossed my hair and said, “It’s okay… Maybe some other time…”. And strutted off to the car… After all, a Black Beamer, but no watch? Naaahh….

LV would have been so proud! (Err…I hope…)

Here’s some top liners. Maybe they ring a bell somewhere… in the far, far distance…

1. Do you believe in love at first sight, or should I walk by again?
2. If I could rewrite the alphabet, I would put U and I together.
3. If you were a new hamburger at McDonalds’s, you would be McGorgeous.
4. Are you a parking ticket? Cause you got fine-fine-fine written all over ya.
5. Baby, you must be a broom, coz you just swept me off my feet.
6. If I said you had a great body, would you hold it against me?
7. Girl, you must be tired coz you’ve been running through my mind all day!